The Bad News Is We Found No Sperm

  "Here is to being pregnant on the plane ride home!", I triumphantly said as I ended my toast in front of Shannon's family three years ago. We were leaving to live in Australia for two years in May, and we had decided that we would wait till we returned to get pregnant. We decided we would start trying a month or two before we were headed home. We didn't know yet it wasn't about choice. Thinking about that moment tonight I want to punch myself for being so cocksure. Pun intended.

  We followed the pregnancy plan, with a few issues of course, as this is Shannon and me we are talking about. The first few months we tried on the wrong days. Shannon got very sick several months over the winter. We introduced the stress of new jobs / positions and house hunting. The sticks kept coming up negative.

  We decided in the New Year (2013) to focus on Shannon's health and to reduce stress. We introduced acupuncture, hypnosis, vitamins, yoga, different diets. Shannon read book after book. The sticks kept coming up negative, and the monthly bill would arrive, and we'd both be more and more upset.

  When the March cycle didn't work we had both had it. I have an amazing co-worker who I knew had struggled with their first pregnancy and I let them know about our struggles. The co-worker helped to lead us to the Reproductive Center at Newton-Wellesley. We were nervous for our first appointment but we were treated very well, and we were confident. When the blood work came back normal we shrugged. When the HSG was clean we were excited, but we expected it. We had crossed the first hurdle and seemed on the way to unexplained infertility, and the world of IUI and eventually IVF.

  One last thing to do however: The Semen Analysis. I went in with no concerns Monday, gave my sample, and left. It never crossed my mind I would get a phone call three hours later, at work, from the reproductive doctor. She started with some small talk about adjusting my phone numbers in the directory as they had my pre-Australian mobile number on file. I assumed that since she was talking about something so small that everything was fine. The next sentence I'll never forget: "So we got your sample and the good news is the volume was great, the bad news is we found no sperm." None. Zero. I asked a few questions and tried to write down the information she was giving me. I asked what our options were, what we could do, and she went through a number of possibilities. It wasn't until she said "If that doesn't work then our final option is donor sperm" that I started to freak out. I got off the phone quickly to call Shannon and tell her, and we both left work to meet at home.

  That was about 36 hours ago. In that time we've cried, researched, begged, broken down, asked why, spoken with friends and relatives. 

  We're feeling confident right now because, what other option do we have?